Another Day Has Gone

( December 21, 2012)

Doomsday! Yet I am here in my room after a long boring day at work writing all these mind-twisting thoughts that I need to vent out. So please bear with me :)

 We all deserve to be happy and be happy and until we are still attached to things or person that will kept on reminding us the happy or sad moments we can never be able to step a new stair in our life. People go, people come. Some are forgotten while few are kept to be remembered forever. Its not that we don't care anymore, that we don't love them anymore in fact its our only excuse to lighten up the burdens caused by these pains and heartaches that we need to step back away from them. Their happiness will always be essential to ours, but its time to move on. The world doesn't stop for a single inch of bleeding, yet it continue to live each day, hoping and smiling that tomorrow is another day to be thankful for.

Seeing your loved ones, hearing their laughter and giggles just made my day. I didn't think of anything than having them in my arms and I am wrapped with their warm tight hugs. I am completely at glee just hearing how thankful they are to received gifts they thought they cant have. It is indeed a very merry happy Christmas!

Moving on doesn't mean leaving the people who once a part of your life. Moving on is making a new chapter in our lives despite all the bad things that had happened and turning the empty page of the book that needed to be written : a new story that needs to be told. Moving on is not walking away from people you once love and forgetting them eventually, it is carrying a  piece of them with you as you make a new leap! It is treasuring the moments, accepting the fact that not everyone can stay in your life forever and recognizing how they influenced you, touched you and how they helped you to grow.

I am thankful fro 2012 for giving me 365 days to experience another laughter, another pain, another sacrifice, another cry, another disappointments, another achievements, another thoughts, another chance and another journey in life. This coming new year it will be a new adventure, a new 365 days that I will keep on looking forward to. 

November 28, 2012 : Just Me and My Thoughts

Today I found myself crying again. It wasn't aloud cry. It was the most silent cry anyone could ever heard of - the cry of a hurting heart.

I am the girl whom you see everyday wearing her most confident happy face. I am the girl whom you joked around with, laughing and giggling til my tummy hurts. I am the girl who cares everyone that surrounds her. I am the girl who patiently waits til the last reasons has been told. I am the girl who eagerly encourage people to go beyond their limits. I am the girl who is willing to give her comfort just to make sure everyone around her feel safe. But I am also the girl who dwells into the darkness and drowned herself to her sadness and miseries. I am also the girl who long for love and happiness. To be able to feel that I am important and worthy to be cared of. I am the girl who wanted not only to be loved but to be told that I am loved. I am the girl who yearns for a hug and cuddle and random funny moments that life had been seizing against me.

Its been weeks since I found myself strolling in an alley of confusion, walking on the steps of miseries and jumping from one pain to another. I don't know if I will be able to overcome everything. Its like a big black hole slowly eating me up and tearing me apart. Today I pitied to myself. I am just as lonely as an old tree who was forgotten by men. Life was much happier and easier then, what happened? This is not me. I used to be lovely and alive! I dreamed everyday of unicorns and rainbows and flying pandas. Where did these dreams went? I feel like I am zombie doing the same chores everyday, speaking the same words and eating the same food. My life is slowly slipping away from me.

I am here sitting alone, trying to find the right words that greatly describe me - ALONE AND SAD. Little did everyone knows that I am the kind of person who expects alot and this always lead me to frustrations and doubts. I trust easily and care too much but most of them don't realized it and I ended up being hurt and neglected. I don't like to be treated as someone who has a communicable disease. Though they will always deny it, I could feel every single coldness in my system that is slowly eating me up, making me feel so unlovable and unworthy. And it always lead to frustrations and eventually hurting myself emotionally. When will life treated me so well? When can I be able to feel the true meaning of happiness? When?

The Right Wrong Person

Who is the right wrong person?

He / she maybe the person whom you feel great connection with.

He / she maybe the person who is always there when no one seems to bother.

He / she maybe the person who stares at you giving you an infarction.

He / she maybe the person who held your hand tightly when you almost fall in the cliff.

He / she maybe the person whom you share your desires and deepest secrets.

He / she maybe the person sitting right next to you drinking coffee and reading today's news.

He / she maybe the person whom you bump the other day.

He / she maybe the person that keeps on calling you in the middle of the night just wanted to hear your voice without saying anything.

He / she maybe the person whom you gonna meet tomorrow, the next day or five years from now.

The right wrong person is that special someone you once bump while walking in the subway, spill his coffee in you and then as your eyes met, he gives you an instant bang! Its the same person whom you have been talking all night for months now, sharing all your desires, secrets, dreams and frustrations. The same person who never get tired to understand you and never left you when you wanted to jump off the edge. The very same person whom you have a very strong connection with.

The right wrong person is the very very the same person who came into your life, make you feel so complete and loved yet the universe never allowed it. No matter how you both wanted to have each other, fate and destiny and time are just against your wishes.

The right wrong person will always be that right person we met in a very wrong time.

Believe. Continue. Love.

Challenging Journey With Life

In our lifetime we met alot of people. Strangers become friends. Friends become family. Some just disappeared and we never heard anything back then. People come and go just like seasons changes. Few left great impact in our lives - happy, sad, painful memories - while others were just passerby trying to pull us down or lift us high. In the end, they are the reasons why we are here, how capable we are to face life, what we become is greatly influenced with these past events, relationships even hardships and misfortunes.

I often asked myself if I am blessed or cursed. I tried to take a peak of that road sign that says "End of the Race" but I always fail. No matter how well planned my life I wanted to be there are those detours and pit stops that either makes my journey worthy or worthless. When things get into me, I always find myself in the corner of my room crying my heart out letting the pillows absorb all my miseries and heartaches. I often have this I-Pity-Myself-Alone-Time. And at this crucial times in my life, I feel relieved and telling myself that things will be alright soon. Am I blessed? Yes, I am still blessed with family who never get tired to understand me, who loves me unconditionally despite all the mistakes I have done, who never doubt my capabilities and more importantly who still believes in me despite all my imperfections. I have few friends, whom randomly make me feel loved and cared. And those people whom I never knew, I haven't meet that for sure will give colors to my world. I am perfectly imperfect and permanently and inevitable flawed. 

Once in awhile I love traveling the challenges life have been given me because it just proves one important thing - I AM ALIVE! Being alive and having these moments of ups and downs is what makes the journeyreally worth traveling for. 

Live. Laugh. Love.

Butterfly..fly fly away.

In the depths of the jungle I saw a very beautiful butterfly flying freely from one flower to another. Its big flapping wings that radiates with the shining sun. Its unique colors that stood up from the rest of its kind. I was in awe  by its beauty so I decided to take it home with me.

Everyday I play with the butterfly. We run, jump and I even sing songs. Those are the happiest days of my life. Just knowing I got someone I could talk with, laugh with and even cry with. The most peaceful place is with this butterfly.

Days, months passes by I realized I've been keeping it for long. It got bored and lonely. I thought it needs more flowers so I planted more and nourished it with more love and care. One day, I am so excited to see the butterfly only to see that it was sitting in this big yellow flower looking to sad. There I know I must set it free. I was too selfish to have its time on me not realizing it needs to see the outside world. To mingle and have fun with it own kind. To freely enjoy the beauty of the life it have. And most especially to bring joy, love and happiness to others. With a heavy heart, I took it and set it free and I know it is the happiest day of the butterfly's life : the time it finally got its freedom.


... I woke up realizing it was just a dream. A dream that is so real that left prints in my pillow.

I AM

I am the night,

Longing to see the light.

I am the sea,

Searching the lost Atlantis in the depths.

I am the moon,

I live only because of the sun's light.

I am the leaves,

Standing still with the dew.

I am the rain,

Waiting to be thrown from the clouds.

I am the wind,

Running around the vast humid desert.

I am the sand,

Lying naked as you passes by.

I am the life,

Without you I will die.

Beyond The Horizon

I dare not to look into your eyes,
Full of stories that tells no lie.

I dare not to speak into your lips,
Where love prevails, a feeling that never sleeps.

I dare not to touch your hands,
Thats full of longing and hugs.

I dare not hear the beats of your heart,
Speaks the name of the desired one.

Beyond the horizon speaks no name but yours,
Heard no beat but your heart,
Touched no one but your soft hands.

Beyond the horizon, where I live in paradise,
Dancing and singing,
Jumping and laughing.

Beyond the horizon there is only me and you.